Tuesday, January 19, 2010
It's Monday.....: Matt's Guide to Tweets and Status Updates
As on-line social networking continues to become more and more popular with Tweets and Status updates etc., there are various groups of specific types of tweeters that are emerging. Some of these are people who post articulately conceived statements bringing into our cyberworld nuggets of wisdom, humor or even a life-affirmation . We know who these people are and those 150 letter words are the small puffs of wind that catch our sails and push us through the monotony of daily life.
That said, there are other types of tweeters. There are individuals who feel compelled to remind us what day it is and what they hate about that particular day. Don't get me wrong. Social networking is a great place to express periodic disdain. For instance, after reading a particularly horrible article about how individuals are suffering from depression as a result of the movie AVATAR, I felt compelled to publicly vent about this absurdity. That said, my rear window motor has broken and I have to ritually duct tape it shut on an almost daily basis. While this is frustrating to me, I will not make it my practice to let every one of my nearly 700 close and not so close friends just how much I hate it.
Here is the worst status update ever.
First of all, as working human-beings, we have collectively agreed upon a seven day week. Everyone knows it is Monday. Everyone. Perhaps somewhere in your friends list is an individual who lives in a constant state of "stay-cation" and doesn't track the day, but for the most part, we don't need to be reminded by anything other than an unwelcome alarm clock as to what day it is.
Secondly it is vague. It's Monday without anything beyond it falls into the same category as the absurd posts where people simply type the word "is." It's Monday and what? Are you happy? Is this something you didn't realize until you looked at your calendar? Are you expecting some big announcement that has you eager or do you love your job so much that you can't wait to get back to it after a couple of restful days off. It's Monday means nothing.
If one were to make an assumption about this status, it would be that the individual with so little to say, but loves to express that vacancy none-the-less, it would be that they are bitching. Facebook status complaining is like news feed pollution unless of course it is hilarious. "Sitting next to a Funoin eating, finger-licking gassy fat guy, heading into hour two in line at the DMV and I just realized I have jury duty tomorrow" makes me laugh. A running complaint about your neighbors vocal sexual escapes or a chance encounter with the world's grumpiest grocery checker can be amusing. The fact that you are bored at work, however simply makes other people bored at work. No one cares that you are bored.
Here are a few other do's and don'ts of the update world.
We get that you love your pets, but the bi-hourly update of the Adventures of Milo the Super Pup can get tiring. Especially if Milo's day to day activity doesn't extend beyond a walk, some kibble and self grooming. That said, if Milo The Super Pup managed to chase away an invader from outer space or you woke up at 3am just as Milo placed the last piece of a 5000 piece puzzle, by all means... Let us know!
Motivational phrases. I am all for the periodic inspiring word. That said, when a tweet like Ghandi's "Be change you want to see in the world" falls between the updates "I FUCKING HATE MY BOYFRIEND" and "Super hungover.... and it's Monday" it becomes difficult to take such a profound quote (or you) seriously.
Cutting loose and late night drunken pictures are one of life's true joys, but if you have 908 photos and there isn't one where you're not drinking, or you tweet "......tiredddd of puking goodnight lol" at 4am, you may wind up on textsfromlastnight.com, but don't be puzzled when you learn you didn't "get the job."
You've hated the last fifteen dates you went on and every girl (or guy) in your city is totally lame. Don't be surprised if after you add someone that you DO like and they read how fickle you are, when your friend count went from 302 to 301 and your plans for Saturday have suddenly fallen through leaving you to tweet about how much guys suck and the grooming habits of your cat.
Life is at it's best when it's centered around good stories, fresh ideas, and new spins on old ones. I love and have enjoyed status updates since they first came out. I am certain that in pious moments I encouraged volunteerism and talked about reverence for life... That in the wee hours of the morning, I've updated something that I thought was hilarious but was really lame and illegible (CURSE YOU FAT THUMBS!!!), and I've even thrown in a vague ellipse a time or two..... but I try to keep it f, keep it connected and to keep it fun. So when it's Monday......................... Let the world know how it's gonna be a better Monday that the last one you tweeted about and if your dog saved your next door neighbor from a burning house, give him props.